Can a friend be your power of attorney? What to ask first

"Can a friend be my power of attorney?" is one of the most common questions people ask once they start planning. Often the friend is the obvious choice: she's known you for forty years, lives ten minutes away and knows exactly what you'd want.

The legal answer is usually yes. The harder questions are practical, especially if you're the same age. This page walks through both, as part of our series on who decides for you when you can't.

Is it legal to name a friend?

In most cases, yes. A power of attorney can name anyone you trust, related or not. There are a few limits, and they vary by state.

Washington is our worked example:

• Financial power of attorney. The agent can be any "person," which Washington's act defines to include an individual or a corporation (RCW 11.125.020).
• Medical power of attorney. Your doctors, their employees, and owners or staff of a facility where you live or get care can't serve. The exception is a close relative (RCW 11.125.400).

Nationally, the National Institute on Aging notes that a health care proxy generally must be 18 or older, or 19 in Alabama and Nebraska. A proxy must also be of sound mind, and NIA says many people choose a trusted friend or neighbor.

Why naming a friend matters so much

Without paperwork, a friend has very little standing. Under Washington's consent law, a close friend comes last, after a long list of relatives (RCW 7.70.065).

Even then, she has to sign a sworn declaration, good for up to six months, and the hospital doesn't have to rely on it. A medical power of attorney puts her ahead of every relative on that list.

For money there's no default list at all. Without a financial power of attorney, your friend can't pay your mortgage or call your bank. Our page on who makes medical decisions if you have no power of attorney explains the medical side in full.

Questions to ask before you name a friend

Love and trust are the starting point. These questions help you check the rest.

The National Institute on Aging suggests similar questions for a health care proxy. They include whether you trust the person with your life and whether they live near you.

You're the same age

This is the question behind most friend choices. Two friends of 68 are planning for the same years.

Here is the honest picture. Your friend may be healthy and sharp when you sign. Years later, she may be ill, caring for a spouse or living near family.

None of that is a reason not to name her. It's a reason to name someone behind her.

Many friends name each other. That works well, as long as each of you also names a backup who is younger or a professional.

Medical and financial can be different friends

The two roles ask for different strengths. A medical power of attorney needs someone calm, nearby and clear on your wishes. A financial power of attorney needs someone organized and careful with money.

You can name one friend for each. Our page on how to choose a medical power of attorney has more questions for that role.

What your friend is agreeing to

It helps to show your friend what the law asks of an agent. In Washington, an agent must act in good faith, within the authority you gave, and according to your reasonable expectations (RCW 11.125.140). Unless the document says otherwise, the agent must also keep records of every receipt and payment.

Some powers need express wording. In Washington, gifts, beneficiary changes, trust changes and health care decisions all need to be granted specifically (RCW 11.125.240). And a Washington power of attorney ends at incapacity unless it has durability wording (RCW 11.125.040).

The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau publishes a free guide for people named as agents. Handing your friend a copy is a kind way to start the conversation.

What happens if your friend can't serve

This is the part to plan now. Washington lets you name successor agents. A successor acts only after the agent ahead of them resigns, dies, becomes incapacitated or declines (RCW 11.125.110).

If you named nobody behind your friend, the power of attorney ends when she can't act (RCW 11.125.100). Medical decisions then fall back to the relatives on the default list. For money, the fallback may be a court-appointed guardian or conservator.

A working power of attorney carries real weight. In Washington, a guardian can't revoke it, and the agent's decisions take precedence unless a court orders otherwise (RCW 11.130.335).

That's why keeping a valid name in line matters. See naming a backup in every role.

A typical case

Here is a typical case, a composite. Barbara and Sue are both 69 and have been friends since college. Each has a sister on the other coast.

They name each other as medical power of attorney. Barbara names Sue's daughter, who lives nearby, as her backup; Sue names a trust company as hers. For money, both name a trust company as backup behind each other.

Five years later, Sue moves to be near her grandchildren. Barbara's plan still has a nearby name in line, because she planned for it.

When a professional belongs behind your friend

If your friends are your own age and your relatives are far away, a professional backup keeps the plan working. A fiduciary is legally required to act in your interest and follow what you wrote.

With a Kinly membership, Trella Trust Company can be named as financial power of attorney, first or behind your friend. It can also be named as medical power of attorney. Our page on naming a friend vs a professional compares the two honestly.

If your children live far away and you're weighing a friend instead, see naming people who can actually show up. For the practical side of a sudden hospital stay, read who pays your bills and checks your house.

Common questions

Can a friend be my power of attorney?

Yes, in most cases. Any trusted adult of sound mind can usually serve. In Washington, your doctors and staff at a facility where you live or get care can't be your health care agent. The exception is a close relative.

Is it a good idea to name a friend who's my own age?

It can be, if they're willing and able. Just name a backup who is younger, or a professional, behind them. That keeps the plan working if your friend becomes ill or moves.

Can my friend and I name each other?

Yes. Many friends do. Each of you should also name a backup, since you may face the same health changes around the same time.

What happens if my friend can't serve when the time comes?

If you named a backup, the backup steps in. If you didn't, the power of attorney ends when your friend can't act. In Washington, medical decisions then fall to the relatives on the default list, and money may need a court process.

Sources

• RCW 11.125.020: Definitions (agent, person, durable)
• RCW 11.125.400: Agent authority, health care
• RCW 7.70.065: Informed consent, persons authorized to provide for patients who do not have capacity
• RCW 11.125.140: Agent duties
• RCW 11.125.240: Authority that requires a specific grant
• RCW 11.125.040: Durable power of attorney
• RCW 11.125.110: Coagents, successor agents
• RCW 11.125.100: Termination of power of attorney or agent's authority
• RCW 11.130.335: Special limitations on guardian's power
• National Institute on Aging: Choosing a health care proxy
• Consumer Financial Protection Bureau: Managing someone else's money