Who to call first: building your notification list
The short answer
Make two short lists. The first says who to call if you're in the hospital: one or two people, with phone numbers, and who holds your medical power of attorney. The second says who should hear if you die, in order, and who makes each call. Add anyone who should not be called.
Every intake form has the same small box: emergency contact. Most of us write one name and move on. Knowing what to put in emergency contact fields, and who comes after that first name, is worth a quiet half hour.
A notification list is the page in your care plan that answers one question. If something happens, who should hear from someone, and in what order? It keeps the people you love from learning news from a social media post. It also makes sure the neighbor with the key knows to feed the cat.
Two lists, not one
The people who need a call if you fall and break a hip are not the same as the people who need a call after a death. So it helps to write two lists.
| Item | If I'm in the hospital | If I die |
|---|---|---|
| How many people | One to three | As many as matter |
| Who they are | Your first contact, a backup, your medical agent | Close friends, family, your doctor, groups you belong to |
| How fast | Within hours | Over the first days |
| Main purpose | Someone can show up, and the pets get fed | People hear it kindly, and the practical things start |
Keep the first list very short. A long list at 2 a.m. means nobody knows who is actually in charge.
What to put in an emergency contact
An emergency contact is the first name a hospital, an employer or a building manager will try. Give them enough to reach that person quickly.
- Full name, and how they're related to you ("friend," "niece," "neighbor").
- A mobile number, and a second number if they have one.
- The city they live in, so staff know if they can come in person.
- Whether they hold a legal role for you, such as your medical power of attorney.
- A backup, in case the first person doesn't answer.
An emergency contact isn't a decision-maker
This is the part many people miss. Being listed as an emergency contact does not, by itself, give someone legal authority to make medical decisions for you.
In Washington, the law lists who can consent to health care for an adult who can't decide. A power of attorney agent who covers health care comes second, after a guardian, and before a spouse or relatives (RCW 7.70.065). An emergency contact isn't on that list.
So if your first contact is a friend, consider naming them as your medical power of attorney too. Or note clearly who holds that role, so the hospital calls them as well.
Who should be on the hospital list?
Start with the people who would actually come, or who need to act that same day.
- Your first contact. The person who can show up, sit with you, and make other calls.
- Your backup. Someone different enough that both are unlikely to be away at once.
- Your medical agent, if that's not your first contact.
- Whoever has your pets and your key. The neighbor at number 14, the dog walker, the friend with the spare key.
The last one matters more than it looks. Our post on who takes care of your dog tomorrow covers that page of the plan.
What can the hospital tell them?
Federal privacy rules allow a hospital to tell family, close friends, or anyone you've identified about your location, general condition, or death (45 CFR 164.510). They can also share information directly relevant to that person's part in your care.
If you're awake and able to decide, the hospital should give you a chance to agree or object. If you can't, staff use professional judgment about what is in your best interest (45 CFR 164.510). A written list helps them know who you would want told.
Who should be on the list if you die?
This list is wider, and it is more personal. Think in circles, from closest outward.
- The inner circle. The few people who should hear by phone, from someone they know, before anyone else.
- Family and old friends. Including those you haven't seen in years but who would want to know.
- Your doctor, and any home care or hospice team.
- Your groups. Your faith community, book club, garden club, volunteer shift, former colleagues.
- The practical calls. Your landlord or building manager, your employer or former employer, and your executor.
Some of the formal notices happen on their own. According to Medicare.gov, in most cases the funeral home reports a death to Social Security (Medicare.gov). The funeral home will need the Social Security number, so note where it's kept.
The longer list of accounts and agencies belongs with your executor. Our checklist on what to do when someone dies covers the first week.
Who makes each call?
A list of names is a start. A list that says who calls whom is far more useful, and it shares the weight.
Your first contact might call five people. One of those might call the book club. A friend from church might tell the congregation. Write it down that way, and nobody has to make thirty calls in one afternoon.
People who should not be called
It's fine to say this. "Please don't contact my former husband" or "my cousin will hear through my sister" is clear and kind. A gentle note saves your first contact from an awkward guess.
How to keep it current
A notification list goes stale faster than almost any other page. Friends move, numbers change, and a neighbor sells the house.
A simple habit helps: look at it on your birthday, and whenever you update your phone contacts. Each time, ask whether the first two names would still pick up and still come.
It also helps to carry a card that says where the list is. Our post on the in case of emergency card explains what to put on one.
A short example
Here is a typical case, a composite. Linda, 66, is divorced. Her daughter lives in Denver, and her friend Pat lives across the street.
Linda's hospital list has three names. Pat comes first, because she can be there in ten minutes and has a key. Her daughter is second and is also her medical power of attorney. Her neighbor Tom is third, because he walks her beagle when she travels.
Her second list is a page long. It says Pat calls her daughter and four close friends. Her daughter calls the family. The garden club president hears from Pat, and tells the rest.
When Linda has a fall and a short hospital stay, Pat calls her daughter from the waiting room. Tom takes the beagle home. Nothing has to be figured out from scratch.
If the first names aren't nearby
Many people find that the person they'd choose first lives far away, or is their own age. That's common, and there are good answers. Our post on emergency contacts without family nearby walks through them.
A professional can also hold the list. Kinly members keep theirs in their care plan, with a team on call around the clock that can start the calls. Our guide to choosing professional help compares the options. Next to your list, you may also want your funeral wishes, your personal property memo and your treatment preferences.
Common questions
Who should be notified if I'm hospitalized?
Keep it to one to three people: a first contact who can come, a backup, and your medical power of attorney if that's someone else. Add whoever has your pets and your key. A short list makes it clear who is in charge.
What should I put in my emergency contact?
Their full name, how they're related to you, a mobile number, a second number, and the city they live in. Note whether they hold a legal role, such as your medical power of attorney. Add a backup in case the first person doesn't answer.
Does an emergency contact have the right to make medical decisions?
Not by being listed as an emergency contact. In Washington, RCW 7.70.065 sets who can consent for an adult who can't decide. It starts with a guardian, then a health care agent under a power of attorney. To give someone that authority, name them in a medical power of attorney.
Can a hospital tell my friend I've been admitted?
Generally, yes. Federal privacy rules let a hospital tell family, close friends, or someone you've identified about your location and general condition. If you're able, you'll be asked whether you agree or object.
Who tells Social Security when someone dies?
According to Medicare.gov, the funeral home reports the death to Social Security in most cases. It needs the person's Social Security number to do it. Families can also call Social Security directly.
Sources
This page is general information, not legal or financial advice. Laws vary by state.