What to do when someone dies: a checklist

When someone dies, a lot of people suddenly look to whoever is standing closest. Maybe that is you. The first week holds a few things that truly can't wait, and many more that only feel urgent.

This checklist covers that first week, in order, with what can safely be set aside. It uses Washington as the worked example where state law matters. The longer job of settling the estate is in our guide to the executor of an estate.

The first day

Take a breath first. Very little has to happen in the first hour.

1. Get a legal pronouncement of death. In a hospital, hospice or nursing home, the staff handle this. At home without hospice, call 911.
2. Call the people who need to know now. Close family, and anyone who should hear it from a person rather than a text.
3. Look for written wishes. Check for a funeral page, a prepaid funeral contract or a letter of instruction. Our post on funeral wishes explains what these usually look like.
4. Choose a funeral home. They will collect the person and walk you through the next steps.
5. Look after the dog. Pets get forgotten in the first hours. Ask a neighbor or friend to take them for a few days.

Who gets to decide about the funeral?

If the person wrote down their wishes, that usually settles it. In Washington, a signed, witnessed document stating the place or method of disposition is enough legal authority. Survivors can't cancel or substantially revise prepaid arrangements (RCW 68.50.160).

If there are no written wishes, Washington sets an order.

A designated agent named in a signed, witnessed document comes first. Then the surviving spouse or registered domestic partner, then most of the adult children, then parents, then most of the siblings (RCW 68.50.160). Other states have their own rules.

Notice that the executor isn't on that list. The funeral is usually decided before anyone opens the will.

Days two to four

• Meet with the funeral home. Under the Federal Trade Commission's Funeral Rule, a funeral home must give you a written price list when you ask about prices in person (16 CFR 453.2). It generally can't make you buy one item to get another, so you don't have to accept a package with items you don't want (16 CFR 453.4).
• Give the funeral home the Social Security number. Medicare.gov says that in most cases the funeral home will report the death to Social Security (Medicare.gov). Social Security then tells Medicare.
• Order certified death certificates. Order more than you think you need. Banks, agencies and title companies each want a certified copy, while a photocopy may do for small things like subscriptions (USAGov).
• Secure the home. Lock up, gather the keys, and throw out food that will spoil. Keep valuables and papers somewhere safe.
• Water the plants and collect the mail. Mail is how the family will later find accounts and bills.
• Find the will, if you can. You don't need to act on it yet. Just know where the original is.

In Washington, certified death certificates go only to qualified applicants, such as a spouse, child, parent, sibling or legal representative. Fees start at $25 per certificate (Washington State Department of Health).

Days five to seven

• Hold the service, or set its date. Many families wait a week or more. That is fine.
• Tell Social Security if the funeral home didn't. Reports are taken only by phone or in person (USAGov).
• Check on the person's bank account. Social Security doesn't pay benefits for the month of death. A payment that arrives for that month must be returned, and the bank can send it back (USAGov).
• Ask about survivor benefits. Spouses and minor children may qualify (USAGov).
• Contact the employer or pension plan, if the person was working or drawing a pension.
• Contact the VA, if the person was a veteran, about burial and survivor benefits (USAGov).

What can wait

Grief makes everything feel urgent. These things genuinely aren't, in the first week:

• Closing bank accounts and canceling credit cards
• Paying the person's bills or debts
• Opening probate
• Sorting belongings, selling the car or listing the house
• Deciding who gets the piano

Bills can wait a few weeks. Debts are generally paid from the estate, and family members usually aren't responsible for them from their own money (CFPB). Don't pay a collector who calls the week of the funeral.

A note on powers of attorney

If you were the person's agent under a power of attorney, that authority ends at death. In Washington, the statute says so directly (RCW 11.125.100).

From here on, the executor named in the will acts for the estate, once a court appoints them. Until then, it is fine to keep things safe without moving money.

The first week at a glance

After the first week

Once the funeral is over, the work shifts to the estate. The person named executor takes the will to court, notifies heirs and creditors, and lists what was owned. In Washington, an executor holding the will must deliver it to the court within 40 days of learning of the death (RCW 11.20.010).

Our executor checklist picks up from here. If it was your mother or father who died, our post on what to do when a parent dies speaks to that directly. And how long it takes to settle an estate gives a sense of the months ahead.

Making the week easier for the people you love

Many of the hardest moments in that first week are small mysteries. Where is the will, and who has the key? What did she want for the service, and who feeds the dog tonight?

Writing those answers down ahead of time helps. A notification list says who to call, and a care plan keeps the rest in one place. Kinly members keep theirs on file, with a team on call that has it in front of them.

Common questions

Who do you call first when someone dies?

If the death happens at home without hospice, call 911. In a hospital, hospice or care facility, staff handle the pronouncement. After that, call close family and then a funeral home.

Who reports a death to Social Security?

Usually the funeral home. Medicare.gov says that in most cases the funeral home will report the death, so give them the person's Social Security number. If they don't, the family reports it by phone or in person.

How many death certificates do you need?

It depends on how many accounts and agencies are involved. Each bank, agency or title company that needs proof may want its own certified copy. A photocopy is often enough for smaller things like subscriptions.

Do I have to pay my parent's or spouse's debts?

Usually not from your own money. The FTC says family members usually don't have to pay a deceased relative's debts personally. Exceptions include cosigned debts and some spouses in community property states.

When should probate be started?

Not in the first week. The executor typically starts after the funeral. In Washington, an executor holding the will must deliver it to the court within 40 days of learning of the death.

Sources

• RCW 68.50.160: Right to control disposition of remains (Washington State Legislature)
• RCW 11.125.100: Termination of power of attorney (Washington State Legislature)
• RCW 11.20.010: Duty of custodian of will (Washington State Legislature)
• Report a death (Medicare.gov)
• Report the death of a Social Security or Medicare beneficiary (USAGov)
• Agencies to notify when someone dies (USAGov)
• How to get a certified copy of a death certificate (USAGov)
• Ordering a death record (Washington State Department of Health)
• 16 CFR 453.2: Price disclosures (FTC Funeral Rule, eCFR)
• 16 CFR 453.4: Required purchase of funeral goods or funeral services (FTC Funeral Rule, eCFR)
• Does a person's debt go away when they die? (Consumer Financial Protection Bureau)